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Author: Subject: Ignoring private messages: Is it a reason to complain?
Khannushka
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sad.gif posted on 20-2-2019 at 09:06 PM
Ignoring private messages: Is it a reason to complain?


I do hate the situation with expired cards, so in such situation I'm eager to resend. I usually ask a user whether my card arrived before sending a replacement card - they often simply forget to register, I know it from their hurrays) Sometimes I get a reply they haven't received my card, and in this case I send them one more.

Both situations are understandable, but the most irritating situation is silence of the users. I ask them whether they received my card, ask them in their native language using Google Translate, ask once more in several months' time... They do not respond, and that's upsetting. Sometimes these are users who seem to give up Postcrossing, in other case these users are active and register their cards regularly. What should I think about their silence? :mad:

One of the current silent users is active. I sent him one card, then another one, with the same picture - that time I didn't bother him wis a question as he was active. After the second card was not registered in more than a month's time I started asking. Having two cards lost is hardly a coincidence, especially considering they were sent by one person, from the same address and having the same image - perhaps he simply doesn't like my cards( :flaming:

Perhaps they treat this as stalkering, but to my mind there is no difficulty in writing back something that "sorry no card" - then I'll send one more and stop asking questions. The Postcrossing FAQ says I do have the right to ask, and I never ask the foreign users about the card before it expires (I know the postal services can be very slow).

Is it against the rules to ignore messages concerning the expired cards? Would the complaint change anything?
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[*] posted on 20-2-2019 at 09:33 PM


There is no rule that users have to respond to messages and I don't think it's a matter for reporting if someone ignores your message, though it may be inconsiderate. In the case of suspecting that someone deliberately didn't register a card they did receive, then you can report.
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[*] posted on 20-2-2019 at 10:04 PM


Only once I had an answer to a message asking if a card was received, and the card was never registered. I rarely ask now, because it seems useless. A lot of people on the forum say it's rare to get a reply.

One thing I think though, is that maybe people actually don't realise that you sent a message. It goes to their email, but perhaps it goes in their spam/junk folder and they will never know (I get messages from the main site, but notifications of U2Us on the forum go in my spam and I never bothered solving that because I can see when I log into the forum if I have a message anyway). But users who are not very active or don't speak English very well might not have realised that they can receive messages, if they go in their spam.

Just a thought!
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[*] posted on 20-2-2019 at 10:11 PM


We had this discussion several times from the opposite point of view, for some people, who got messages like yours, feel annoyed by those messages, for it is for them a matter of course to register all received cards just on the day they get them. To annoy them even more is certainly not helpful.
And of course nobody is forced to reply to e-mails/personal messages.
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[*] posted on 20-2-2019 at 10:46 PM


I agree that it doesn't take a lot of time or effort to write a short reply, simply saying "Sorry, I haven't received your card yet". Personally I feel rude not answering to messages, although I have to admit that sometimes I plan to do it later and then forget. But if someone doesn't answer, I would never write to them again - if they have shown no interest in communicating with me, I will not force myself onto them. No reply is always better than a rude reply, in my books anyway. ;)

While you have the right to ask them, they also have the right not to answer. It may not be polite, but as RalfH pointed out, some members don't consider it polite to be asked about expired postcards in the first place. It's impossible to say one person is right and the other is wrong, it's just a matter of different opinions.
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[*] posted on 21-2-2019 at 05:39 AM


Quote: Originally posted by RalfH  
We had this discussion several times from the opposite point of view, for some people, who got messages like yours, feel annoyed by those messages, for it is for them a matter of course to register all received cards just on the day they get them. To annoy them even more is certainly not helpful.
And of course nobody is forced to reply to e-mails/personal messages.


https://forum.postcrossing.com/viewthread.php?tid=123124

I'm one of those who feel annoyed, and if you sent me two messages nagging about registering your card I'd be tempted to report you to admins for harassment :duh:

Of course I'd never do that, because I have other things to do with my time (and admins do too!), but I'd certainly complain about you to every postcrosser I meet.

I do usually reply to such messages, but not always nicely and sometimes I forget.
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[*] posted on 21-2-2019 at 05:52 AM


I personally feel this messages destroy the surprise :)
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[*] posted on 21-2-2019 at 06:22 AM


This is a social site, so I don't understand why people would get annoyed with friendly messages asking about a postcard. I receive them now and then, and I answer. However, as was already mentioned, people often don't receive the messages because they go into the spam folder. No, I don't think it's rude to send a friendly inquiry. However, people aren't required to answer.
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Khannushka
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[*] posted on 21-2-2019 at 08:49 PM


To my mind, there is some kind of contradiction - the Postcrossing rules advise to ask about the unregistered cards, while some members consider it impolite. :rolleyes:

I often have to reply to such messages because the Russian post is too slow... I do my best to comfort the senders, asking them to wait for some more weeks. Most times the cards do arrive, in spite of the delay.

I do understand they are worried, and it's important to keep in mind that lost cards are neither the senders' nor the receivers' fault.

Being a sender, I want to be sure the second card will be registered after the first one had expired. In my messages, I tell about the image on the card, the date of sending and the ID. I always ask the receivers not to register the lost cards - just to let me know about it so I could send them one more card.

Only once I ignored the message about the lost card. The sender has written something like: "Hello, the card I sent you must have been lost. Perhaps you would like to see its image, so here is the ID..." I was a beginner that time, and this message was rather shocking for me - I actually didn't know how to reply politely on this.

Personally, I'm against registering the cards which are not received (it's against the rules and simply unfair), but for me it's not a problem to resend if a card is lost. It would just be upsetting if the second card will be left unregistered too.
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[*] posted on 21-2-2019 at 09:22 PM


Quote: Originally posted by fire.maggie  
In the case of suspecting that someone deliberately didn't register a card they did receive, then you can report.

The suspicion is actually not a proof( That would be considered very subjective I guess.

Quote: Originally posted by RalfH  
We had this discussion several times from the opposite point of view, for some people, who got messages like yours, feel annoyed by those messages, for it is for them a matter of course to register all received cards just on the day they get them.

For most countries 60 days is well enough to have the card arrived and to register it even in some weeks' time - I never write earlier to foreign members. For users who have a slower postal services (Equador or South Africa, for instance) I usually wait for more time, considering the user's stats.

Quote: Originally posted by elikoa  
But users who are not very active or don't speak English very well might not have realised that they can receive messages, if they go in their spam.

That's why I write more than onñe, usually once in a couple of months. For users who are not good at English, I started using Google Translate. Some Chinese users had ignored the message in English but later replied to the ones in Chinese - that works! :)
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[*] posted on 22-2-2019 at 11:11 AM


After 3000 cards sent and received yet I´could count the times I´ve been asked on the fingers of one hand.
Some times ago I asked a few times after more than 60 days. Mostly no response. And one registered my card although she hadn´t received it. She wrote"what a nice picture. It´s a pity I didn´t receive it."
This felt so wrong to me, I stopped asking since then.
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[*] posted on 22-2-2019 at 02:09 PM


Quote: Originally posted by Bavaricus  
After 3000 cards sent and received yet I´could count the times I´ve been asked on the fingers of one hand.
Some times ago I asked a few times after more than 60 days. Mostly no response. And one registered my card although she hadn´t received it. She wrote"what a nice picture. It´s a pity I didn´t receive it."
This felt so wrong to me, I stopped asking since then.


I also feel wrong when the unreceived cards get registered (in my messages I always ask not to register cards which have not been received, offering to send one more). In such situation I send the person one more card - to my mind, that's a fair way.

I have a different experience - most times the users register the cards, often apologising or explaining why they hadn't registered it before. When a person says he or she hasn't received my card, I always resend.

Up to now, only one of my cards which expired was later deleted.
But I'm afraid their number will grow, as I don't resend to the users who don't bother to respond - such cards will probably have the same fate as the previous ones...
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[*] posted on 22-2-2019 at 02:32 PM


I don't message people anymore. I used to send a message after 60 days or so (depending on the destination) but I only ever got two replies and those were from people who registered regularly and said they hadn't received the card.

I felt sorry for one postcrosser - I had sent a card to her and it had expired. I didn't message her but eventually she registered it and in the hurray message she put that she hadn't received the card as had been having issues with the local post but that postcrossing was threatening to suspend or close the account so she had to register it. I messaged her offering to send another card but she never replied.

I would never normally send a second card and it doesn't particularly bother me if I message someone and they don't reply. Of course, it is annoying when cards don't get there or aren't registered, but on the other hand it would be boring if every card was guaranteed to arrive.
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[*] posted on 22-2-2019 at 04:11 PM


In the early days, I would send a second card and perhaps 1 out of 8 re-sends that I sent got registered. I stopped re-sending cards, it's too expensive only to discover that a particular Postcrosser had lost interest in the project and had no intention on registering the card anyway.

Also in the earlier days, I would send a 'did you forget to register' note. Generally, these little notes would be sent to new Postcrossers and only in a few incidences did my note prove fruitful. For the most part, my emails went unanswered.

Now a day, I only send emails to compulsive 'batch' registerer's reminding them that they are suppose to register the postcards in a timely fashion. Not once a month or once every two months. Amazingly, this seems to have an effect and has become fruitful in cards getting registered. The Postcrossers had just forgot that registering upon receipt is what is expected of you.
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[*] posted on 22-2-2019 at 05:52 PM


Quote: Originally posted by vjr123  
I felt sorry for one postcrosser - I had sent a card to her and it had expired. I didn't message her but eventually she registered it and in the hurray message she put that she hadn't received the card as had been having issues with the local post but that postcrossing was threatening to suspend or close the account so she had to register it.


Something here doesn't sound quite right. If you didn't message her, and she hadn't received your card.... how did she know the ID to register it??

Do Postcrossing send lists of actual IDs of unregistered cards to users who happen to have problems, and threaten to suspend or close their accounts if they don't register the cards with those numbers?

I don't believe it somehow, but maybe a moderator could confirm this?
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[*] posted on 22-2-2019 at 08:08 PM


Hi piscean, I wondered that as well. I guess post crossing must have sent her the IDs.
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[*] posted on 22-2-2019 at 08:37 PM


Quote: Originally posted by Khannushka  
To my mind, there is some kind of contradiction - the Postcrossing rules advise to ask about the unregistered cards, while some members consider it impolite. :rolleyes:


I have never read that in the Postcrossing rules. It isn't in the FAQ. Where did you see this?
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[*] posted on 22-2-2019 at 08:54 PM


Quote: Originally posted by lncrou7  
Quote: Originally posted by Khannushka  
To my mind, there is some kind of contradiction - the Postcrossing rules advise to ask about the unregistered cards, while some members consider it impolite. :rolleyes:


I have never read that in the Postcrossing rules. It isn't in the FAQ. Where did you see this?


It is, in fact, in the FAQ under My postcard should have already been received! What should I do?:
"If 30 days have passed since the date in which you've mailed your card, we advise you to contact the recipient through private message and ask whether the postcard has arrived (the ID might be blurred, illegible, etc.)."
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[*] posted on 22-2-2019 at 09:00 PM


Quote: Originally posted by Elenna  
Quote: Originally posted by lncrou7  
Quote: Originally posted by Khannushka  
To my mind, there is some kind of contradiction - the Postcrossing rules advise to ask about the unregistered cards, while some members consider it impolite. :rolleyes:


I have never read that in the Postcrossing rules. It isn't in the FAQ. Where did you see this?


It is, in fact, in the FAQ under My postcard should have already been received! What should I do?:
"If 30 days have passed since the date in which you've mailed your card, we advise you to contact the recipient through private message and ask whether the postcard has arrived (the ID might be blurred, illegible, etc.)."


Oh, I was just reading the "Sending postcards" section. It seems that it's where it should be.

Anyway, I agree that we shouldn't feel annoyed if someone send us this type of message, but it is also just a suggestion, so nobody is required to send messages and nobody if definitely required to answer to messages.
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[*] posted on 23-2-2019 at 10:25 AM


Quote: Originally posted by Sfander  
In the early days, I would send a second card and perhaps 1 out of 8 re-sends that I sent got registered. I stopped re-sending cards, it's too expensive only to discover that a particular Postcrosser had lost interest in the project and had no intention on registering the card anyway.

That's why I prefer asking first. I want to be sure my second card will be registered.

Quote: Originally posted by Sfander  

Also in the earlier days, I would send a 'did you forget to register' note.

To my mind, this phrase would sound quite impolite (although in most cases people really forget). I prefer just asking whether they received my card and whether I had forgotten to write the ID - this doesn't sound like a blame.
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[*] posted on 25-2-2019 at 02:45 PM


My issue has not been with the formal site but here. I tagged someone and they show active every day yet have not read my request for their address. I sent two U2Us, roughly a week apart and still no response. No idea why they won't read it (I have a card they are missing from their UNESCO site list!)--perhaps they do not like that I am from their country. I will just move on and send it to someone else.

How long is too long to wait for a response before writing off a tag here?
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[*] posted on 26-2-2019 at 07:12 AM


I always send a message when the card expires. I rarely get a reply.
I have received a few such messages too, and I don't understand what I should feel annoyed about. It is easy to forget to register a card, especially if you receive several on the same day. I also know that I have forgotten to write the ID on my sent cards a few times.

On several occasions, the card I'm asking about has been registered right away, and I never write the ID in my messages, so it's obvious that the card did actually arrive.

Such things happen, and I find it a bit hard to understand how a friendly, polite message can be such a cause for irritation.

I always reply if I someone asks me about lost cards.

(The only messages I ignore are those about direct swaps, since the first thing I say on my profile is just that ;-) )
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[*] posted on 26-2-2019 at 07:14 AM


Quote: Originally posted by Khannushka  

To my mind, this phrase would sound quite impolite (although in most cases people really forget). I prefer just asking whether they received my card and whether I had forgotten to write the ID - this doesn't sound like a blame.


That's exactly what I write, too. I ask if they have received a card from Sweden and describe the picture. I also mention that I may have forgotten the ID. This has happened a couple of times. :-D
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[*] posted on 26-2-2019 at 11:17 PM


Quote: Originally posted by Gealach24  
Quote: Originally posted by Khannushka  

To my mind, this phrase would sound quite impolite (although in most cases people really forget). I prefer just asking whether they received my card and whether I had forgotten to write the ID - this doesn't sound like a blame.


That's exactly what I write, too. I ask if they have received a card from Sweden and describe the picture. I also mention that I may have forgotten the ID. This has happened a couple of times. :-D


It may also imply the addressee has received the card, when I believe the vast majority of non register cards have not been delivered by the postal service.
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[*] posted on 27-2-2019 at 07:52 AM


So in your imagined situation, people feel offended because you remind them of a small and human 'mistake' they really made, and therefore they don't register the card/leave the whole project?

Interesting world, indeed.

In the requests I send after ~65 days, I usually use 'maybe you forgot to register because of busy days'.
I am considering adding 'or maybe you have problems with the ID because it's not possible to read anymore or I forgot', but honestly my motivation is very small. If it's the ID, there is support or adding a line in the profile or searching for the user ...

My general balance so far in five years:
64 requests (42 active, 22 inactive users around the 60 days),
20 answers,
15 cards got registered, 2 got registered autmatically.
In about four or five hurrays, the users explicitly did thank me for the reminder because they really were busy or forgot about the card/the project at all.

My personal conclusion:
A request is worth a try, and I will keep sending them (except, maybe, if a users has the famous 'no requests, I register all cards on day of arrival' line).
I may soften the wording a little more, depending on my mood when that next situation will happen (hopefully not soon) (but as mentioned in another discussion, I feel the appeal of certain monikers from the cynical right every month a little more. Very frightening for a dedicated liberal ;);))

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