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Author: Subject: Ignoring private messages: Is it a reason to complain?
ColorfulCourtney
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[*] posted on 27-2-2019 at 08:21 AM


My self-imposed "rules" for asking if a card has been received:

1. I only ask when it is a unique card I am really sad to see not appearing in my "Sent" wall.

2. I only ask after the card has expired and do *not* send the ID (so nobody will think I am gaming the system)

3. I never ask people who specifically tell you not to ask.

My wording is usually something like "Dear XXX, My name is Courtney / ColorfulCourtney. A little more than 2 months ago I sent you a card through Postcrossing. The card had a picture of YYY on it. Is it possible the card was received but not registered? If you have received the card and could register it, that would be great. If you have not received it, I hope it comes soon!"

I have had one response saying it was not received but asking for the ID to register it. I told her I wouldn't do that, I would wait until the card was delivered (it was, eventually, about a month later). Otherwise usually I do not get a response but as with Stevyy, about 20 percent of the cards get registered, so to me it is worth a quick email. Nobody has ever reacted that they were offended by my asking.
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[*] posted on 27-2-2019 at 03:14 PM


i barely ever answer such messages. especially from people that send me the id and ask if i can register it if i haven't got it yet. i'm not gonna register a card i haven't received yet, i'm pretty sure that's even against the rules? also i register every card when i get it.
i never send such messages either. cards get lost and people quit postcrossing. it happens.
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[*] posted on 27-2-2019 at 04:12 PM


Quote: Originally posted by mchay  
especially from people that send me the id and ask if i can register it if i haven't got it yet. i'm not gonna register a card i haven't received yet, i'm pretty sure that's even against the rules?


You're right, it's against the rules to register a postcard you haven't received.
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[*] posted on 2-5-2019 at 10:10 AM


When I get such a message, I will always answer. Simply because it is no hassle.
When I inquier after a card, I don't give the ID, I just ask if they have seen this or that card, and if so if there is something wrong with the ID. And if they haven't seen it, please let me know, cause I will resent.

I think only once, it got registrated and not very often I get a reply. I don't resent without reply.
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[*] posted on 2-5-2019 at 09:28 PM


Nothing wrong with sending a FRIENDLY inquiry but realize life happens. I was in the hospital for seven months last year with virtually no internet access. And Postcrossing has my wrong email address and won’t let me update it. So, even if you send me a message, I won’t get it.
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[*] posted on 3-5-2019 at 09:28 PM


My viewpoint is that not to answer a message is extremely poor etiquette:thumbdown: But of course here on PostCrossing these folks will always have their apologists.

This bad behavior also extends to Unofficial (Forum) things. with some individuals who routinely ignore messages. After a few respectful follow-up messages that are ignored, I then send a final, quite emphatic message, launch-you to the moon. Ironically this gets their attention. Don't have time to babysit these pinheads.
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[*] posted on 4-5-2019 at 03:47 PM


I think it's unfair to assumed that these people are ignoring (maybe) your message,or they are rude and with poor etiquete. Please keep in mind that messages goes thru email and we have no idea how often these people check their emails or how many messages they get in a daily basis and most of the times, life happens and it gets in the way.Yes, it only take less than a minute to respond to any messages,BUT, maybe it's not on their priority list. I,for example, I will read a message/email from my phone, then ignore/forget it all day (I worked 12 hrs) and thinking, I will sit down later at night and take care of everything,and then more often than not it doesn't happen and your messages just went to oblivion and here's the sender complaining abt I was being rude bec I can't give the attention to their important question.
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[*] posted on 4-5-2019 at 04:42 PM


About 5% of our postcards are not registered. Sometimes they get lost in mail stream and sometimes people receive them but not register for one reason or another. That’s why when the postcard is expired we get a new free spot and life goes on. We can ask people but it’s up to them to answer or not. And yes sometimes messages from postcrossing arrive to spam folder, it happened to me once too.
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[*] posted on 4-5-2019 at 07:14 PM


Quote: Originally posted by PostcardPerfect  
I think it's unfair to assumed that these people are ignoring (maybe) your message,or they are rude and with poor etiquete. Please keep in mind that messages goes thru email and we have no idea how often these people check their emails or how many messages they get in a daily basis and most of the times, life happens and it gets in the way.Yes, it only take less than a minute to respond to any messages,BUT, maybe it's not on their priority list. I,for example, I will read a message/email from my phone, then ignore/forget it all day (I worked 12 hrs) and thinking, I will sit down later at night and take care of everything,and then more often than not it doesn't happen and your messages just went to oblivion and here's the sender complaining abt I was being rude bec I can't give the attention to their important question.


I disagree. It isn't unfair to make that assumption about SOME people. You are focused on one message; how about two or three messages? What is your explanation for that?

It is quite rich that SOME people have all the time in the world to join tags, RRs, etc left and right, but can't be bothered responding to inquiries. In one case, such a person tagged an individual and didn't bother requesting their address; the latter person never got their cards :thumbdown: Please stop being an apologist for these people.
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[*] posted on 11-5-2019 at 03:29 PM


This is me, a "batch registerer". But it's not because of me being so undisciplined. Our postman brought mail to me with such frequency, usually twice a month, sometimes it happened weekly and I considered those weeks to be "harvest' ones.

Quote: Originally posted by Sfander  

Now a day, I only send emails to compulsive 'batch' registerer's reminding them that they are suppose to register the postcards in a timely fashion. Not once a month or once every two months. Amazingly, this seems to have an effect and has become fruitful in cards getting registered. The Postcrossers had just forgot that registering upon receipt is what is expected of you.
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[*] posted on 14-5-2019 at 01:58 PM


After I received several messages asking to register cards that I didn't receive, I added my profile not to send those message cause I register every card I receive. Although it's irritating to me, I always try to reply to those message and tell that I haven't got the card. However, sometimes I read my email on my phone and forgot to reply the message as it's not replying back right away through email system. Usually I remind about it few days later though.
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[*] posted on 14-5-2019 at 08:29 PM


@Emilia_4, yes, I certainly understand your predicament, but why don't you explain your postal situation in your profile. Then everybody would know why you register your cards in batches. I can sure understand that.:)

Right now, my regular postman is away on a course and I am only getting mail 2, maybe 3 times a week, if I'm lucky and not until 6 p.m. at night! I normally have mail everyday of the week...I guess I'm spoiled.:)
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[*] posted on 14-5-2019 at 10:45 PM


Quote: Originally posted by Sfander  
@Emilia_4, yes, I certainly understand your predicament, but why don't you explain your postal situation in your profile. Then everybody would know why you register your cards in batches. I can sure understand that.:)


I would recommend that too. Not too long ago I sent a postcard to someone who wrote in their profile that they live so far away from any major cities that she usually only receives mail once a month. That way I was prepared for a long wait and didn't get upset or impatient about it.
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[*] posted on 14-5-2019 at 10:46 PM


Quote: Originally posted by RalfH  
We had this discussion several times from the opposite point of view, for some people, who got messages like yours, feel annoyed by those messages, for it is for them a matter of course to register all received cards just on the day they get them. To annoy them even more is certainly not helpful.
And of course nobody is forced to reply to e-mails/personal messages.


I don't know why anyone would get annoyed by simply asking if the card has arrived :duh:

Things happen, an ID could be missing or illegible or the card could have slipped through. Asking doesn't hurt, it doesn't imply the recipient did something wrong. And the official statement is clear on it: "If a long time has passed (ie: more than a month) since the date in which you've mailed your card, you may try to contact the recipient through private message to ask whether the postcard has arrived"

But of course people can choose to be annoyed or offended by whatever they want... if it makes them happy :P
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[*] posted on 17-5-2019 at 01:10 PM


From my perspective, and experience, I have received quite a number of such messages over the years. Sometimes asking if the card has arrived, more often with the ID included asking me to register it.
Sometimes I answer right away that it hasnt arrived, otherwise I woud have registered it. More often I just have the time to read it and leave it for later... but late I often completely forget about it. Not only for such messages but even nice ones, people asking for swap or so. Unfortunately, I am forgetful when it comes to things like that, being overshadowed by a dozen of other every day life hassles. As long as I dont forget to actually send out the agreed cards and I am fulfulling my postcrossing duties, we are all god.
And if I have the time to participate in tags or RRs is cos that is what I am focused on an that very moment cos while scrolling i have noticed something of interest, it is not about whether I have the time or not to answer messages.

So if someone 'ignores' such a message, I wouldn't take it personally. And it is unfair to assume things about that person. Unless you have the basis to think that the person is not registering particular cards on purpose, move on. If you decide to resend, it is YOUR choice and your choice only, with the possibility of that card to disappear as well. Those are all parts of the game. And no, I am not happy about my expired cards, i have them way too many but I really cannot bother too much about it. Years ago, I also used to sometimes send a nice message to check if my card has maybe arrived, but I just let it go now. There are so many other things going on in life, that I often dont even notice a card has expired.
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[*] posted on 20-5-2019 at 06:34 PM


My oldest card in transit is to a person who takes ON AVERAGE 96 days to register a card from my country. I'm not going to bother asking him about the card.

Sixty days after I sent it, the card will expire and I'll get a new address to send to. Thirty six days later (on average) he will register the card and I'll get a card back from someone. In the mean time, the replacement card will probably already be received by someone else, and I'll get a card from that transaction, too.

It's annoying, but hardly the end of the world.
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[*] posted on 20-5-2019 at 11:24 PM


Quote: Originally posted by Fcoulter  
My oldest card in transit is to a person who takes ON AVERAGE 96 days to register a card from my country. I'm not going to bother asking him about the card.

Sixty days after I sent it, the card will expire and I'll get a new address to send to. Thirty six days later (on average) he will register the card and I'll get a card back from someone. In the mean time, the replacement card will probably already be received by someone else, and I'll get a card from that transaction, too.

It's annoying, but hardly the end of the world.


If this user is registering cards only every 3 months on average, you should report him to admins. When I have to send to such a profile with a pattern of rare registration, if my card isn't registered within 2x the usual travelling time to that country, I message the user and then report to admins. Every time I have done this, the admins have contacted the user and then my card is registered. Or is the user registering regularly but all the cards are long travelling for some reason?
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[*] posted on 23-5-2019 at 03:21 PM


I do occasionally send messages. I don't usually send the ID number unless the person hasn't been seen since I sent the card (2 months). Then I ask if they have quit Postcrossing. I ask them to please register any cards that they received or let Postcrossing know that they have quit.

I did get a message back one time from a lady saying she liked my card so much she put it on the refrigerator and my message reminded her that she hadn't registered it yet.
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[*] posted on 14-6-2019 at 07:29 AM


Thanks for the advice:) I'll surely do that when I return to India:thumbup:

Quote: Originally posted by Sfander  
@Emilia_4, yes, I certainly understand your predicament, but why don't you explain your postal situation in your profile. Then everybody would know why you register your cards in batches. I can sure understand that.:)

Right now, my regular postman is away on a course and I am only getting mail 2, maybe 3 times a week, if I'm lucky and not until 6 p.m. at night! I normally have mail everyday of the week...I guess I'm spoiled.:)
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[*] posted on 20-7-2019 at 10:36 AM


Missing cards are boring. In holland they found about 6 sacks of mail buried in the woods, just a while ago....
When my card is expired, I ask the people if they had forgotten, if I had forgotten the id (many pc's do not seem to know how great the search-people are in finding id's, because they write on their profile about unidentified cards).
Very often I do not get a response, sometimes it is registered right away ( forgotten) sometimes they write back.
I have about 3300 cards sent/received now and maybe 4 times somebody asked me about a card and maybe 12 times I asked about a card. When I see at a profile people did not visit their account for long, it could be because of illness or whatever nasty things so I wouldn't get angry about that.
Mails cannot go into spam, as they are sent as a postcrossing-message.
Don't bother to much about it, be glad with the 95 % that goes somehow smooth!
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[*] posted on 23-7-2019 at 10:40 PM


Quote: Originally posted by pucky  

Mails cannot go into spam, as they are sent as a postcrossing-message.


This is not true. Postcrossing messages are sent as email and are not stored anywhere on the Postcrossing site. Emails from Postcrossing can easily be classified as spam by filtering systems (and frequently are).
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[*] posted on 29-7-2019 at 11:34 PM


In a "Hurray" message I recently received there was a list of questions about the card that I sent. I answered them all, but have no idea if the PXer was happy with the information, as they did not contact me again. A brief "thanks" would have been appreciated.

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[*] posted on 6-8-2019 at 11:43 AM


What I learned so far from this topic that IF you respond to an inquiery PM about a missing postcard you will be 'punished' with a second card.

There is no need to sent second cards. Postcrossing does not ask you to sent second cards.

Especialy I am not waiting for second cards from common countries as I receive enough from them. But I would be delighted to receive a second one for a missing card from Albania or Liechtenstein.
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[*] posted on 6-8-2019 at 02:56 PM


Quote: Originally posted by HMKM  
What I learned so far from this topic that IF you respond to an inquiery PM about a missing postcard you will be 'punished' with a second card.

There is no need to sent second cards. Postcrossing does not ask you to sent second cards.

Especialy I am not waiting for second cards from common countries as I receive enough from them. But I would be delighted to receive a second one for a missing card from Albania or Liechtenstein.


So a nice card from a German/US/Russian/... unique user, be it the first or second card, is a punishment for you. An interesting motivation ...
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[*] posted on 8-8-2019 at 08:44 PM


Quote: Originally posted by Stevyy  
Quote: Originally posted by HMKM  
What I learned so far from this topic that IF you respond to an inquiery PM about a missing postcard you will be 'punished' with a second card.

There is no need to sent second cards. Postcrossing does not ask you to sent second cards.

Especialy I am not waiting for second cards from common countries as I receive enough from them. But I would be delighted to receive a second one for a missing card from Albania or Liechtenstein.


So a nice card from a German/US/Russian/... unique user, be it the first or second card, is a punishment for you. An interesting motivation ...


You did not get it. This is about second cards. Not first cards.
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